I went to visit a faculty member in another department, Harold Smith. We had never met in person, but we had traded emails, and he had signed his “Harry”. I was looking for his office within the banks of faculty offices, and a person (male, a few years older than me perhaps) asked “Can I help you?” I responded “I’m looking for Harry’s office”. He replied “Do you mean Professor Smith?” “Yes”, I said. “Professor Smith”. Silence. “Sir” I added.
I ran into a colleague. We had talked a few months ago, and I have been meaning to follow-up with more discussion. “I wondered what that meant that I haven't heard from you” he said. And then simultaneously I said/he said “It’s just that I’m an oversubscribed assistant professor”/”I figured it’s because you’re married.” Or maybe I misheard, and he said “harried.” I'm more married than harried, but at least little bit of both.
Unsolicited advice for giving a job talk that I learned from a recent seminar
Showing pictures of your smiling (all female) research group, and acknowledging them = Good.
Pointing towards their vag1nas with the laser pointer as you are introducing each of them by name = Hilarious.